Update Wednesday 25th March 2020

Hi

Have been in my new house for a week. 

Today started with no effing broadband.

A long phone call to broadband faults ensued with the discovery that overnight someone had remotely changed the"Port" on my ONT* !

So plugging the hub into Port 2 resolved the problem

(there are 4 ports/sockets on my *Optical Network Termination (ONT) usually Port 1 is used)

Then the food ordering website went titsup*  (*Total Inability To Service Users Properly). Finally placed my order for Friday after 2 hrs of persistence. Phew

I spoke out of the window to my new neighbours, little girl 2 ½ , and her mummy.  Mum is a primary school teacher.

Unfortunately my order for curtain rails was cancelled today as the wholesaler has shut. However I've improvised with the appalling curtain pole and the huge quantity of curtain accessories that I've collected over the years.

I really caught the sun yesterday and my head is very pink!

Baked sausages with harissa and tomatoes

The recipe can be upscaled easily to cater for large numbers, but add the harissa paste to taste rather than simply multiplying the amount.

Serves 2-3

Fry light (or use some of the stock)
Veg sausages 6 large (Optional)
onion 1

Garlic 2 large cloves
rosemary  2 sprigs
harissa paste 2 tsp
Fresh tomatoes 2, large

Tin of chopped tomatoes

Carton of Asda passata

Haricot or cannellini beans 2 x 400g cans or beans soaked overnight and cooked

Vegetable stock

Bake the sausages in the oven

Peel the onion and roughly chop it. Add some Fry Light or stock to an oven proof pan or casserole  and then the onion, letting it soften and colour lightly. It should be the palest gold.

Remove the leaves from the sprigs of rosemary, finely chop them, then add them to the onions and some finely chopped garlic. Do not let the garlic brown

Stir the harissa paste into the onions. Roughly chop the fresh tomatoes. Add the fresh chopped tomatoes and cook for a few minutes until the tomatoes have started to soften. Add the passata and the drained tinned chopped tomatoes

Drain the beans and rinse them under running water if tinned. Stir them into the mixture, then pour in the stock and bring to the boil. Lower the heat, then return the sausages (if used) to the pan

Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes at around 200 deg C

If you have time even better casseroled for 4 hours at around 140-150 deg C but check every so often to ensure it hasn’t got too dry

Check seasoning  and serve

The Best Roast Chicken Ever

One or more free-range organic chickens, 2-2.5kg each

50-100g soft butter

Salt and ground black pepper

Fresh bay leaves (if available), torn in half

2-3 large sprigs fresh thyme

1 lemon

1 whole head garlic, broken into cloves and roughly bashed

About 200ml white wine

About 200ml water

Remove the bird/s from the fridge at least an hour before cooking so  it/they can come to room temperature. Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/gas mark 7. If there are any, put the giblets in the fridge for making stock later. (Separate the livers from the giblets because they'll make the stock bitter. Fry them up for nibbles, or use them in the stuffing - see below.)

Untruss the bird’s legs and give them a tug and a wiggle to separate them a bit from the body, and then place the bird/s in the largest roasting tray you can fit in your oven. Make sure there's as much space around it/them as possible and enlarge the opening of the cavities with your fingers, so hot air can circulate inside the bird/s. Smear the bird/s all over with the soft butter, then season generously all over. Put a couple of bay leaves, a sprig of thyme, a couple of slices of lemon and a few whole garlic cloves inside and under each bird.

Place in the centre of the hot oven, roast for 30 minutes, then baste with the buttery juices, turn down the oven to 180C/350F/gas mark 4, pour the wine into the tin (not over the birds) and roast for another 40-60 minutes, depending on their size. Test they are done by poking a knife where the thigh joins the breast - the juices released should run clear. Tip the birds on end so any juices in their cavities run into the tin, then transfer to a large, warmed dish and cover with foil. Leave to rest for 15-20 minutes before carving. This gives you time to finish all the trimmings, and make the gravy.

Tuscan Bean Soup

Serves 4
Preparation Time 10mins
Cooking Time 45 mins

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cloves garlic
2 onions
2 leeks
2 carrots
4 sprigs thyme
1 litre vegetable stock
Fresh tomatoes chopped
2 x 300g tins cannellini beans
Freshly ground black pepper

Method
Heat the oil in a saucepan. Peel, crush and chop the garlic, dice the onions, leeks and carrots and gently cook for 5 minutes without browning. Add the thyme leaves, vegetable stock and chopped tomatoes, bring to a simmer and cook for 20 minutes. Add the cannellini beans. Season with salt and pepper to taste, and simmer for a further 10 minutes. Serve with warm bread

US Satellite warning

"some things that have re-entered have sharp edges, so don't try to pick them up," said Mark Matney, an orbital debris scientist from Nasa's Johnson Space Center.

Let me tell you something Mister Matney, if a US Satellite the size of a fcuking bus has just landed on my house and fcuking vapourized it, getting a cut finger is the least of my troubles YOU TWAT!

Pear tarte tatin

Pear tarte tatin

If you have an ovenproof frying pan (or one with a removable handle), you can use it both to caramelise the pears and to cook the tart, though a heavy, fixed-bottomed baking tin will do. Makes a 20cm tart.

1 packet ready-roll all-butter puff pastry
4-5 pears, ripe but still firm
80g unsalted butter
80g caster sugar
Juice of half a lemon

Heat the oven to 220C/425F/gas mark 7. Roll out the pastry and, using a plate as a template, cut out a disc around 23cm in diameter (or 1cm larger than your pan or tin). Prick a few times with a fork, and refrigerate.

Peel, halve and core the pears, then cut into thick wedges or fat chunks. Melt the butter with the sugar in a deep, heavy-based frying pan (of about 22cm in diameter, if you are using an ovenproof pan in which to bake the tart). Add the lemon juice and pears, and cook on medium-high heat, turning the pears from time to time and taking care not to break them. Cook until golden and tender, and the caramel is reduced to a thick sauce that just coats the fruit, about 20-25 minutes.

Arrange the pears cut-side up in the pan (or baking tin or tarte tatin dish, in which case scrape in all the caramel, too), cramming them together, and set aside until cool.

Drape the pastry over the pears, tuck it in around the sides of the pan to enclose the fruit, and bake for 20-25 minutes, until golden brown. Leave to cool for five minutes, run a knife around the sides and carefully invert the tart on to a plate. Let it stand for five minutes more, then serve on its own, or with cream, clotted cream or ice-cream.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/sep/25/choux-pastry-beurre-blanc-recipes

Illumination......

From the archive. Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My car doesn’t have the multimillion pound technology that enables the pilot of a fighter jet to see its target many miles away in pitch darkness. Neither, I’d hazard a guess, do white vans and many other vehicles on my daily journey to work in the dark. Furthermore, not being a Super Hero, I don’t have X-Ray vision, (or the ability to pat my head and stroke my stomach in clockwise circles simultaneously.)

I’d always thought that street lights were a remarkably sensible invention as they would (surprisingly) illuminate the streets when it’s dark. Regrettably my local council differs. They need to save money (no doubt the “fact-finding” tours to exotic Caribbean islands are a much higher priority). Of course switching off the lights isn’t publicised as a way of containing their budget, it’s proclaimed as a “Green Initiative” by the expensively hired marketing consultants.

Consequently pedestrians and unlit cyclists manage to disappear in the gloom and deep shadows of the early morning, when most sensible people are still in bed.

The great thing about headlights on cars is that the cost of switching them on is almost negligible, unlike domestic electricity bills which often equal the size of a City banker’s annual bonus. They enable me to see the cyclists and pedestrians before I run them over and upset my boss by being late arriving at work.

So, can someone explain to me why it’s apparently cool to drive with only sidelights on in the pitch dark?





Put Your Lights On!

Chickpeas with tomatoes and spinach

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
½ finger length piece fresh root ginger, peeled and finely chopped
1 red chilli, deseeded and thinly sliced
½ tsp. turmeric
¾ tsp. garam masala
1 tsp. ground cumin
4 ripe tomatoes, chopped
2 tsp. tomato purée (optional)
400g can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
200g baby spinach leaves
Rice or naan bread, to serve

Method
1. Heat the oil in a heavy based saucepan and fry the onion very gently over a low heat until softened. Stir in the garlic, ginger and chillies and cook for a further 5 minutes.
2. Add the turmeric, garam masala and cumin, stirring over a low heat for a few secs. Tip in the chopped tomatoes and add the tomato puree, then simmer for 5 mins.
3. Add the chickpeas to the pan with 300ml water or vegetable stock. Simmer for 10 mins before stirring in the spinach to wilt. Season and serve with rice or naan.

Spicy carrot cake with lemon icing

This is perfect for one of those dark autumn afternoons in front of the fire. It's sweet, sticky, spicy and gooey.

225g grated carrots
6 tbsp olive oil
125g soft brown sugar, preferably rapadura
225g wholemeal flour
2-3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp grated nutmeg
1 tsp powdered cinnamon
2 to 3 tbsp honey
4 tbsp fresh orange juice

For the icing:
175g icing sugar
Juice and rind of 1 lemon

Preheat the oven to 170C/325F/gas mark 3 and line an 18cm cake tin with non-stick paper. Mix the carrots, oil and sugar in a bowl, then add the flour, baking powder, nutmeg, cinnamon, honey and orange juice, and mix until everything is well combined - it will be quite sticky.
Spoon into the prepared tin, level the top, and bake for an hour and a quarter or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean (cover the top of the cake with foil if there are signs of burning). Leave to cool in the tin.
Mix the icing sugar with the lemon rind and enough of the juice (about six to eight teaspoons) to make a thick coating consistency. Spread over the top of the cake and leave to set.

Brussels sprout and potato bubble and squeak

I can't claim any originality for this particular recipe as it's by Angela Hartnett, but it's great the morning after the night before. Top it with a fried egg and lots of brown sauce. Your Boxing Day hangover will thank you for it. Serves four.

50g bacon, finely chopped
1 small onion, peeled and finely chopped
50g butter
2 sprigs fresh thyme, picked
350g cooked brussels sprouts, chopped
450g cooked potatoes, lightly mashed (you can use leftover roast potatoes for this)
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Plain flour, for dusting
Olive oil, for frying

In an ovenproof frying pan, lightly sauté the bacon and onion in a little butter until the onion is soft and translucent. Stir in the thyme leaves, then the sprouts and potato, and season generously. Set the pan aside and, once the mix is cool enough to handle, use your hands to mould it into four large patties.

Heat the oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6. Dust the patties in flour, and fry lightly in butter and a touch of oil until golden brown on both sides (the oil helps prevent the butter from burning). Transfer to the oven for four or five minutes, to make sure they're heated through, and serve hot.


http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/dec/04/christmas-standby-recipes-angela-hartnett

Pasta with Tomato and Bacon

Servings: 4


Ingredients:
5 slices bacon
1 onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 can chopped tomatoes or chopped fresh tomatoes
Extra virgin olive oil
225 g spaghetti
Dried basil
Dried oregano
Dried parsley
Salt and pepper to taste
Grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:
1. Grill cook bacon until crisp, break into 1/2 inch pieces, and set aside. Sauté onions in olive oil over medium heat until tender. Stir in garlic and cook 1 minute more. Stir in bacon and tomatoes. Cover, reduce heat and simmer 15 to 20 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.
3. Stir basil, oregano and parsley into tomato sauce. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook 5 minutes more. Toss with hot pasta. Top with grated Parmesan cheese when serving.

Chorizo And White Bean Soup

Serves 4

This is one of those easy, versatile soups that you can play around with, use rosemary instead of thyme or add shredded cabbage or greens just before serving. Ideal for a last minute supper.

Ingredients

Glugs of olive oil
1 chorizo sausage (about 150g/5½oz), chopped
1 large onion, thinly sliced
2 celery sticks, chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed and finely chopped
2 tsp chopped fresh thyme leaves
1 tsp paprika or Hot Smoked Pimenton
2 or 3 ripe tomatoes, chopped
1 litre/2 pints chicken stock
2 x 400g/14oz tins cannellini beans, rinsed and drained (or equivalent in dried beans soaked overnight and cooked)
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Method

1. Heat some olive oil in a large pan over high heat and cook the chorizo for 3-4 minutes until crisp. Set aside in a bowl, leaving the delish red oil in the pan.

2. Reduce the heat to medium-low, add the onion and celery to the pan and season well. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 6-7 minutes until softened. Add the garlic, thyme and paprika and cook, stirring, for 1-2 minutes until fragrant. Add the tomatoes and cook for another minute.

3. Return the chorizo to the pan with the stock and bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, for ten minutes. At this point you could add some thinly sliced cabbage to bulk it out a bit. Add the beans and cook for another five minutes.
Check the seasoning and serve with bread and lots of olive oil.

Roasted pumpkin and thyme soup

Make Halloween Soup!

Ingredients

2-3kg unpeeled pumpkin
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Extra virgin olive oil
2 medium onions, chopped
8 sprigs fresh thyme leaves only, plus extra leaves to garnish
2.25 litres/4 pints vegetable stock
300ml/½ pint single cream (Optional)
175g/6oz Gruyère cheese, coarsely grated

Preparation method
1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6

2. Cut the pumpkin or squash into chunky wedges and scoop away all the fibres and seeds. Rub the wedges with oil, season well with salt and freshly ground black pepper, then place them into one large or two smaller roasting tins, skin-side down. Transfer to the oven to roast for 30 minutes, or until tender.

3. Remove the pumpkin from the oven and, when cool enough to handle, slice away and discard the skin and cut the flesh into small chunks.

4. Splosh some olive oil in a large pan. Add the onion and half the thyme leaves and cook gently for about ten minutes until the onion is very soft but not browned. Add the roasted pumpkin, any juices, and the stock. Cover and simmer gently for 20 minutes.

5. Leave the soup to cool slightly, then add the remaining thyme leaves and liquidise in batches until smooth. Return to a clean pan and bring back to a gentle simmer.

6. Stir in the cream (optional) and season, to taste, with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Ladle into warmed bowls and place a small handful of the grated Gruyère into the centre of each. Scatter a few more thyme leaves on top and serve.

Spaghetti Al Crudo

This is amazingly simple. I've just made a huge bowlful using some tasty tomatoes but without the capers and anchovies. It's very delish.

Spaghetti with tomatoes, olives, capers and anchovies. Crudo means raw, and in this recipe the sauce is uncooked. Look for a spaghetti with a surface that is slightly rough, rather than very shiny, because you need everything to cling to the pasta. Use quality ingredients, especially the tomatoes and basil.

Serves four (or six as a starter).

2 tbsp capers (baby ones, if possible)
4 tbsp black olives, pitted
5 anchovy fillets, finely chopped (Optional)
2 large ripe tomatoes, or 3 smaller ones (the best quality you can find), finely chopped
2 tbsp tomato passata
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
400g spaghetti
1 bunch basil
5 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil

Put all the ingredients except the spaghetti, basil and half of the oil in a sauté pan and mix together, but don't heat. Taste and season.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil (use a little less salt than usual, because the anchovies will add salt later), drop in the pasta and use a fork to curl the pasta around the pan so that it gets submerged quickly. Cook for about a minute less than the time given on the packet (usually five to six minutes), until al dente. (It was 9 mins with the pasta I used.)

While the pasta is cooking, put the sauté pan containing the ingredients for the sauce over the top of the pasta pan, so the steam just warms everything up a little and the flavours start to infuse.

When the pasta is cooked, drain, but reserve the cooking water. Add the pasta to the sauté pan and toss through, adding a little of the cooking water as necessary to loosen. Add the rest of the oil and toss through again. Tear the basil leaves, scatter over and toss through again. Serve straight away.

Spiced carrot and butternut squash soup

The carrot and squash start to break down after half an hour’s cooking and, together with the starch from the pasta, will thicken the soup without the need for a blender. This is great for a hungry family.
The chilli is optional!

Serves 4

1 red onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
2 tbsp olive oil
1 or 2 large carrots, peeled
1 medium butternut squash, peeled and deseeded
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
2-3 thyme sprigs, leaves picked
1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped, or ¼ tsp dried crushed chillies
1.2 litres chicken or vegetable stock
75g dried spaghetti or small pasta shells
Freshly grated Parmesan, to serve

1 Sweat the onion and garlic in the oil over a medium heat for 5-7 minutes until soft. Chop the carrots and butternut squash into 1.5cm dice and add to the pan. Season and cook for another 6-7 minutes until the vegetables start to soften.

2 Stir in the thyme leaves and the fresh or dried chilli, then pour in the stock. Stir and bring to the boil. Simmer for 25-30 minutes until the carrots and squash are soft and beginning to break down.

3 Break the spaghetti into small pieces into the soup or add the pasta shells. Stir well and return to the boil. Simmer for about 10 minutes or until the pasta is cooked and the soup has thickened slightly. Check for seasoning and ladle into soup bowls. Sprinkle with the Parmesan and serve.

Spicy roasted parsnip soup

Just the thing for an autumn day

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
½tsp coriander seeds freshly ground
½tsp cumin seeds freshly ground, plus extra whole seeds to garnish
½ tsp ground turmeric
½ tsp mustard seeds freshly ground
2 sprigs fresh thyme. Leaves stripped and finely chopped
2 garlic cloves
500g parsnips, peeled and cut into small chunks
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 plum tomatoes, finely chopped
1.2L vegetable stock

Method
Heat oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7. In a bowl, mix together the oil and spices. Add the parsnip chunks, peeled garlic cloves and the thyme leaves and mix well. Spread over a heavy baking sheet, then roast for 30 mins until tender.

In a pan gently sauté the onion in some olive oil until soft but not brown. Add the chopped tomatoes and sauté for a minute or two.
Add the roasted parsnip chunks give a good stir, then turn the heat up and add half the stock. Bring to a simmer.

Put into a food processor or liquidiser and process until smooth, adding more stock as necessary. Pour back into the pan with any remaining stock, season to taste, then heat until barely simmering. Remove from the heat and serve. Garnish with whole cumin seeds.

Slow-cooked courgettes on toast

Cooked this way they lose most of their moisture and become a thick, fragrant, chunky mass. They can be used as a pasta sauce (just add a little cream) or the base for a lovely soup (blend with a little stock and/or milk). They also make a great toast topping/ bruschetta, which is my favourite.

Serves six.

3 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped
1kg courgettes, finely sliced
Salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the toast/bruschetta
6 slices of coarse country bread
1 garlic clove, cut in half
Extra-virgin olive oil, or butter
Parmesan, or other grateable cheese (optional)

Heat the oil in a large saucepan, then add the garlic, courgettes and a little salt. Cook gently, so the courgettes soften without browning. As they release their water, turn up the heat to bubble it off. When they become more concentrated and pulpy, turn it down again. Stir whenever they begin to catch on the pan, and do not allow them to brown more than a shade. Keep cooking until they are rich and oily, but not watery. Check seasoning.

Grill the bread, rub each side with garlic, and trickle with olive oil or melted butter. Pile a mound of the hot courgette mixture on top, grate over a little cheese, if you like, and serve.

(First published Thursday, November 20, 2008)

Silly Film Titles

My favourite is

"Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness".

I went to see it in 1969 just because of the unusual title!

What's your favourite silly/whacky/unusual film title?

Ben Foster 4th May 1985 - 27th April 2008

Do not weep,
I am not asleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the softly falling snow
I am the fields of ripening grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Where tranquil oceans meet the land
I am the footprints in the sand
to guide you through the weary day.

I am still here;
I'll always stay.

(Read by Mark at the funeral of his nephew, Ben Foster, on 3rd June 2008)

A Mother Speaks

The mother of murdered Bath shop worker Ben Foster paid tribute to her “much loved and treasured” son after his killers were jailed on Monday.
Clare Wallace, whose son was stabbed to death in Ringswell Gardens, told how her son’s “willingness to do things for others without considering the risk” had led to the tragedy.

"In his 23 years Ben had grown into a loving and principled young man, protective of his family and friends.
He had decided several years earlier that his life would be better without alcohol and drugs and other stimulants. He had stuck to his resolve and did not judge others for their lifestyle choices.
His willingness to do things for others without considering the risk put him in Ringswell Gardens that fateful Sunday.
As a family we have to live with the dreadful consequences of that day.
I can only hope that other young people realise they are not invincible.
Ben was not perfect but believed in the innate goodness of people and could calm every situation with his gentle approach.
Now he has been deprived of the future that was his right and I would not wish that any family would have to go through the pain and devastation which we have experiences since his death.
I once believed the world was beautiful, just and perfect. This belief has now been shattered.
We would like to thank the police for handling the investigation so professionally and for their support, kindness and guidance.
It was only right that John Claydon and Kieran Thomas should be deprived of their liberty. However our lives will be without our much loved and treasured Ben, and no sentence will ever bring him back to us.”