Update Wednesday 25th March 2020

Hi

Have been in my new house for a week. 

Today started with no effing broadband.

A long phone call to broadband faults ensued with the discovery that overnight someone had remotely changed the"Port" on my ONT* !

So plugging the hub into Port 2 resolved the problem

(there are 4 ports/sockets on my *Optical Network Termination (ONT) usually Port 1 is used)

Then the food ordering website went titsup*  (*Total Inability To Service Users Properly). Finally placed my order for Friday after 2 hrs of persistence. Phew

I spoke out of the window to my new neighbours, little girl 2 ½ , and her mummy.  Mum is a primary school teacher.

Unfortunately my order for curtain rails was cancelled today as the wholesaler has shut. However I've improvised with the appalling curtain pole and the huge quantity of curtain accessories that I've collected over the years.

I really caught the sun yesterday and my head is very pink!

Baked sausages with harissa and tomatoes

The recipe can be upscaled easily to cater for large numbers, but add the harissa paste to taste rather than simply multiplying the amount.

Serves 2-3

Fry light (or use some of the stock)
Veg sausages 6 large (Optional)
onion 1

Garlic 2 large cloves
rosemary  2 sprigs
harissa paste 2 tsp
Fresh tomatoes 2, large

Tin of chopped tomatoes

Carton of Asda passata

Haricot or cannellini beans 2 x 400g cans or beans soaked overnight and cooked

Vegetable stock

Bake the sausages in the oven

Peel the onion and roughly chop it. Add some Fry Light or stock to an oven proof pan or casserole  and then the onion, letting it soften and colour lightly. It should be the palest gold.

Remove the leaves from the sprigs of rosemary, finely chop them, then add them to the onions and some finely chopped garlic. Do not let the garlic brown

Stir the harissa paste into the onions. Roughly chop the fresh tomatoes. Add the fresh chopped tomatoes and cook for a few minutes until the tomatoes have started to soften. Add the passata and the drained tinned chopped tomatoes

Drain the beans and rinse them under running water if tinned. Stir them into the mixture, then pour in the stock and bring to the boil. Lower the heat, then return the sausages (if used) to the pan

Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes at around 200 deg C

If you have time even better casseroled for 4 hours at around 140-150 deg C but check every so often to ensure it hasn’t got too dry

Check seasoning  and serve

The Best Roast Chicken Ever

One or more free-range organic chickens, 2-2.5kg each

50-100g soft butter

Salt and ground black pepper

Fresh bay leaves (if available), torn in half

2-3 large sprigs fresh thyme

1 lemon

1 whole head garlic, broken into cloves and roughly bashed

About 200ml white wine

About 200ml water

Remove the bird/s from the fridge at least an hour before cooking so  it/they can come to room temperature. Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/gas mark 7. If there are any, put the giblets in the fridge for making stock later. (Separate the livers from the giblets because they'll make the stock bitter. Fry them up for nibbles, or use them in the stuffing - see below.)

Untruss the bird’s legs and give them a tug and a wiggle to separate them a bit from the body, and then place the bird/s in the largest roasting tray you can fit in your oven. Make sure there's as much space around it/them as possible and enlarge the opening of the cavities with your fingers, so hot air can circulate inside the bird/s. Smear the bird/s all over with the soft butter, then season generously all over. Put a couple of bay leaves, a sprig of thyme, a couple of slices of lemon and a few whole garlic cloves inside and under each bird.

Place in the centre of the hot oven, roast for 30 minutes, then baste with the buttery juices, turn down the oven to 180C/350F/gas mark 4, pour the wine into the tin (not over the birds) and roast for another 40-60 minutes, depending on their size. Test they are done by poking a knife where the thigh joins the breast - the juices released should run clear. Tip the birds on end so any juices in their cavities run into the tin, then transfer to a large, warmed dish and cover with foil. Leave to rest for 15-20 minutes before carving. This gives you time to finish all the trimmings, and make the gravy.

Tuscan Bean Soup

Serves 4
Preparation Time 10mins
Cooking Time 45 mins

Ingredients
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cloves garlic
2 onions
2 leeks
2 carrots
4 sprigs thyme
1 litre vegetable stock
Fresh tomatoes chopped
2 x 300g tins cannellini beans
Freshly ground black pepper

Method
Heat the oil in a saucepan. Peel, crush and chop the garlic, dice the onions, leeks and carrots and gently cook for 5 minutes without browning. Add the thyme leaves, vegetable stock and chopped tomatoes, bring to a simmer and cook for 20 minutes. Add the cannellini beans. Season with salt and pepper to taste, and simmer for a further 10 minutes. Serve with warm bread

US Satellite warning

"some things that have re-entered have sharp edges, so don't try to pick them up," said Mark Matney, an orbital debris scientist from Nasa's Johnson Space Center.

Let me tell you something Mister Matney, if a US Satellite the size of a fcuking bus has just landed on my house and fcuking vapourized it, getting a cut finger is the least of my troubles YOU TWAT!

Pear tarte tatin

Pear tarte tatin

If you have an ovenproof frying pan (or one with a removable handle), you can use it both to caramelise the pears and to cook the tart, though a heavy, fixed-bottomed baking tin will do. Makes a 20cm tart.

1 packet ready-roll all-butter puff pastry
4-5 pears, ripe but still firm
80g unsalted butter
80g caster sugar
Juice of half a lemon

Heat the oven to 220C/425F/gas mark 7. Roll out the pastry and, using a plate as a template, cut out a disc around 23cm in diameter (or 1cm larger than your pan or tin). Prick a few times with a fork, and refrigerate.

Peel, halve and core the pears, then cut into thick wedges or fat chunks. Melt the butter with the sugar in a deep, heavy-based frying pan (of about 22cm in diameter, if you are using an ovenproof pan in which to bake the tart). Add the lemon juice and pears, and cook on medium-high heat, turning the pears from time to time and taking care not to break them. Cook until golden and tender, and the caramel is reduced to a thick sauce that just coats the fruit, about 20-25 minutes.

Arrange the pears cut-side up in the pan (or baking tin or tarte tatin dish, in which case scrape in all the caramel, too), cramming them together, and set aside until cool.

Drape the pastry over the pears, tuck it in around the sides of the pan to enclose the fruit, and bake for 20-25 minutes, until golden brown. Leave to cool for five minutes, run a knife around the sides and carefully invert the tart on to a plate. Let it stand for five minutes more, then serve on its own, or with cream, clotted cream or ice-cream.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/sep/25/choux-pastry-beurre-blanc-recipes

Illumination......

From the archive. Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My car doesn’t have the multimillion pound technology that enables the pilot of a fighter jet to see its target many miles away in pitch darkness. Neither, I’d hazard a guess, do white vans and many other vehicles on my daily journey to work in the dark. Furthermore, not being a Super Hero, I don’t have X-Ray vision, (or the ability to pat my head and stroke my stomach in clockwise circles simultaneously.)

I’d always thought that street lights were a remarkably sensible invention as they would (surprisingly) illuminate the streets when it’s dark. Regrettably my local council differs. They need to save money (no doubt the “fact-finding” tours to exotic Caribbean islands are a much higher priority). Of course switching off the lights isn’t publicised as a way of containing their budget, it’s proclaimed as a “Green Initiative” by the expensively hired marketing consultants.

Consequently pedestrians and unlit cyclists manage to disappear in the gloom and deep shadows of the early morning, when most sensible people are still in bed.

The great thing about headlights on cars is that the cost of switching them on is almost negligible, unlike domestic electricity bills which often equal the size of a City banker’s annual bonus. They enable me to see the cyclists and pedestrians before I run them over and upset my boss by being late arriving at work.

So, can someone explain to me why it’s apparently cool to drive with only sidelights on in the pitch dark?





Put Your Lights On!

Chickpeas with tomatoes and spinach

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
½ finger length piece fresh root ginger, peeled and finely chopped
1 red chilli, deseeded and thinly sliced
½ tsp. turmeric
¾ tsp. garam masala
1 tsp. ground cumin
4 ripe tomatoes, chopped
2 tsp. tomato purée (optional)
400g can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
200g baby spinach leaves
Rice or naan bread, to serve

Method
1. Heat the oil in a heavy based saucepan and fry the onion very gently over a low heat until softened. Stir in the garlic, ginger and chillies and cook for a further 5 minutes.
2. Add the turmeric, garam masala and cumin, stirring over a low heat for a few secs. Tip in the chopped tomatoes and add the tomato puree, then simmer for 5 mins.
3. Add the chickpeas to the pan with 300ml water or vegetable stock. Simmer for 10 mins before stirring in the spinach to wilt. Season and serve with rice or naan.